so i don't actually know why this is here. the energy signature on it says it's from another universe, 2005 specifically, and the director agrees... but says i have to anyway "for the booboo bears" which i assume means you all? i think? i should start drinking alcohal. anyway here's an audio log



PHONE-1: hey boss! so uh... i have some good news and some bad news [[audio sounds a big compressed, very much an old pre-contact era earth phone]]

PHONE-2: oh really? because unless it has anything to do with project ultra, i don't really have time to give much of a shit honestly

PHONE-1: well good news first then! we found who has the device! but there is some... bad news about who has it

PHONE-2: oh god damn... it's her isn't it. she got the f-

PHONE-1: actually it's not! it's someone completely random actually!

PHONE-2: okay... that's immediatly better than the pyramid scheme lady. what data did it get?

PHONE-1: well he's um... he has blue hair, no family, some pronouns, bit unhealthy he needs to get out more according to the last bio-scan and um...

PHONE-2: and?

PHONE-1: ...he's 14 years old

PHONE-2: ...

PHONE-1: ...sir?

PHONE-2: we're fucked.


this universe is BASED and ULTRA-PILLED